Satellite in my eyes

Like a diamond in the sky

Tim was my neighbor for several years, a schoolmate for several more, and he was immediately my friend. Always waved hello when we passed each other on our street, exchanged greetings in the halls. His warmth was so penetrating that it was a pure blessing to know him. His life may have been short, but it was a model for living.

I miss you already Tim. Its not going to b easy for me. I was always attached to you and lived in ur shadow for a while. I cant believe you're gone because I'm not ready to shine yet and you definitely weren't done shining. I will never understand it Tim. Why it was you and not anyone else on this earth or why it wasn't me. To watch you suffer and b in pain was the worst experience for a little sister. But when I walked out of the room tues morning and u asked mom where I was and she replied with "she just doesn't like to see you like this" and then you said "give her time" That just shows what kind of brother you were to me. I don't know how I'm going to go on with out you. I already feel so empty inside. I have never wanted to see you suffer or in pain. But u never showed any weakness around me. That was your way of protecting me. Tim what am I going to do without you? Christmas, birthdays, if and when I get married. I need you there, with me. Please don't ever leave my shoulder Tim. And every time I look at the sky and I hope your the brightest star I see because then I will know that I am lucky. Lucky to have been your little sister for 19 years. Please shine on me.

I wish so much that I could have been home during all of this. It was so hard hearing about it and knowing I couldn't be there.

May the road rise to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face.

And rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

May God give you...

For every storm, a rainbow,

For every tear, a smile,

For every care, a promise,

And a blessing in each trial.

For every problem life sends,

A faithful friend to share,

For every sigh, a sweet song,

I just want to say that I am sorry I never came to visit, I was too scared to. I hope that you know that I thought about you everyday even though I never came to visit. I have so many memories of us. Playing Charades at Keith’s house/Watching Football, Hanging out at Matt’s, Proms, Visiting Treadwells on Sunday Nights, and Taco Bell just to name a few. I just want you to know that I miss you, and will continue to think of you everyday! RIP Tim

There's peace I'm sure,

And I know there'll be no more

Tears in heaven."

When you first got sick, I went over your house and I told you I was so sorry that it had to happen to you.. and you simply replied to me that you were ok with it because there were 5 year olds down the hall that hadn't had the chance to live at all. And you see Tim.. thats the type of person you were; always caring about other people. Your heart was so big and held so much love for everyone you met.

I miss you more than I could ever put into words, but remembering your sweet smile and all those moments we shared together makes me happy. Like the time you taught me how to play "Beer Pong" HaHa in fact you made me play so many games that you ended up in the bathroom with me holding my hair back! Then there were our yearly DMB concerts together. Which always ended up with you yelling at me to control my "wild hippie dancing" which in turn only led to me making you join in. I have so many memories that I'll cherish forever. Timmy, know that there won't be a single day that goes by that I won't think of you; there won't be a single place I will go without carrying your memory with me in my heart. I love you more than I ever got the chance to tell you.

You'll be my angel always.. Say Hi to Michael up in heaven for me okay? I love you.

Love always,

I miss you already, yeah, I miss you always.

and a care was not to be,

so he put his arms around you,

and whispered "come to me",

with tearful eyes we watched you,

and saw you pass away,

although we loved you dearly,

we could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,

hard working hands at rest,

god broke our heart to prove to us,

he only takes the best."

Tim, You are the Best.

Occurred to me the other day

You've been gone now for a couple of weeks

Well, I guess it takes awhile

For someone to really disappear

I remember where I was when the word came about you

It was a day much like today, the sky was bright and white and blue

And I wonder where you are

And if the pain ends when you die

And I wonder if there was some better way to have said Goodbye

Today my heart is big and soar

Trying to push right through my skin

Won't see you anymore

I guess that it's finally sinking in

You can't make somebody see, with the simple words you say....

All their beauty from within....

Because sometimes they just go away!

You T were my beautiful boy....my best friend....You loved me for who I am....And God, did I love you! I miss you everyday. I hate to watch movies without you and I cry when I see the previews for CSI and Nip/Tuck. I keep you with me, in my heart T...

I'm taking my tackle and rod

Because when I go out fishing

I always feel closer to God

I'll find a clear lake with fish jumping

I'll sit on the bank and find rest,

Enjoying the good peace and quiet

as the birds settle down in their nests.

Then in the cool hush of evening

As I kneel down to offer a prayer,

I'll feel a warm hand on my shoulder,

And I'll know that my Lord's standing there.

We'll sit and we'll talk in the moonlight,

Oh, what a glad day that will be!

I'll know peace with God, my Savior,

Yes, that will be heaven to me.

It's been more than a month and at times I believe things have only got more difficult. Sometimes I wake up and think I will see you soon, then I realize that won't happen and that's when it hurts. It seems to hit me at the weirdest times. I must say you are in my dreams every night. I believe its the only way I can really see you right now. In my dreams we are always partying. haha it's kinda weird. I know we woulda had many more parties together and the result probably would of been the same, which meant I would spend my night with my head in the toilet. I seem to think about the night that I found out that you passed away a lot. It was Thursday night at 10:41 and I was at Treadwell's. Those 19 minutes were so long. I cant seem to get that image out of my head. Everyone was crying and I was numb. I couldn't feel anything yet because I didn't want to believe it. It's a moment I want no other sister to have to go through. My heart feels so empty. Like I've lost a huge part of who I am since you've been gone, but I have a new appreciation for what I do have. You left me with great people who are taking such good care of me, both at school and at home. I miss you Tim and hope this hole in my heart will get filled sometime. Its getting lonely without you. I hope your proud of me. miss you always.

love you

I came home yesterday for the first time since leaving for school this summer. I guess I was afraid to come home because I knew that North Andover just wouldn't be the same without you. A part of me still expected to drive into Boston to Brighams and visit you on the 11th floor like I used to. You not being here just doesn't seem right. I miss you more and more each day. What I'd give to have you tell me that we're getting divorced one more time.. and to see your "No face" when I tell you that our marriage is forever and you can't get out of it. I miss that so much.

I see you in my dreams just about every night, and sometimes I think it's our way of talking. There are mornings when I wake up and feel as though you're still here, or like I've just gotten one of your huge bear hugs. I love those mornings because I wake up thinking of you.

I often think about the last night in the hospital and how I hoped you knew that Matt and I were there. You gave Matt and I the biggest gift by that little squeeze of our hands. That meant the world to me and I know it did to Matt too. Your Dad joked about how even in your position the marriage was still on and how he still had the marriage certificate. We all laughed with tears in our eyes. Matt and I left and I said goodbye to you and I told you I loved you. When I walked out the door I left a piece of my heart with you and I know that shortly after you took it to heaven.

I'm missing you so much Timmy. Please know that the memories we all hold in our hearts will NEVER fade. You have touched so many people and will NEVER be forgotten. Enjoy heaven Timmy. I love you.

Just wanted to say hello. Hard to believe it's already been seven weeks. I think about you all the time, so many memories. I was just thinking about how last year we carved pumpkins for Halloween. I'll never forget the "NO" face you gave me, as if you couldn't believe I was serious about doing that. You were so intense with that pumpkin. Mine was this simple design and it was so terrible - huge chunks fell off and it looked like nothing, but yours was this intricate design that was practically award winning.

I keep asking someone up there to send me a sign that you're ok. The other day I went to visit you and three deer popped up out of no where, I kept thinking of that time we were driving and the random three deer appeared and I blasted my horn and you were yelling for them to "charge!" and I was petrified. When I saw those deer up there I wasn't even really startled, they looked at me for a few seconds and ran off, and I'm pretty sure those deer were my sign.

Have an extra helping of turkey for him. It was his most favorite meal. And yes, have a Bud or two in his honor!!

some days i cant believe its been 2 months at other times it seems like forever that you've been gone. I miss u so much and I know the holidays are going to be tough. Everyone's going to be with their family and ours wont be complete. That's how I feel Tim, like my heart and life are incomplete with out you. After you being in my life since the day I was born till august 25th 2005 how am I all of a sudden supposed to live with out you? It's a question that haunts me every night as I go to bed and talk to you. I wonder where you are and what you are doing. I wonder about heaven and reincarnation. I hope you are happy in your new home. You deserve it. Some nights I wish it were me instead of you- I seem to think it would have been easier for me to have suffered than to see you suffer, but I know I could never have been as strong as you. I often wonder what you would be today kinda like that kenny chensey song? You would be graduating this year- times flies huh? You probably woulda moved far away to Montana and saved the environment and went fishing a lot or something special. I hope your catching a lot of fish now and drinking a lot too. Your two favorite things. Every time I go home like Renee said I expect to travel into Boston and see you but instead I travel to the cemetery- it just doesn't seem right. Nothing can prepare you for something like this, you just take everything for granted because Mom and Dad gave us everything. I NEVER expected my life without you, and that's something I'm never going to get used to. I love our talks late at night though- when its just u and me. I love how whenever I have a question about anything u answer me, it keeps me believing that your in a better place, watching me as I do stupid things, and lets face it I've always been the wild child. haha. I was listening to your IPOD today and thinking how exciting it must have been to meet dave matthews. You sure did love that band ever since I could remember and you deserved meeting him and how special it must of been for him to wear your livestrong bracelet. You must of felt like you were already in heaven that night. Everyone in their own way kept preparing me for your worst moment but I never believed it and that's because I felt like I never knew how sick you really were and that's why I feel like you have a plan for me, and that your watching over me, making sure I'm ok now. I think about you everyday and I never want that to end, I just want to make sure you are ok, and I know you are because you wouldn't settle for anything but. I miss you very much and hope you are out by a lake on sunset catching the biggest fish out there. You define angel and I know you are watching over everyone who loved you.

miss you more and more

You had a good ice cream store. I miss you Tim. I love Tim. I like Tim.

Thanks for that poster. We like it. You're the very best Tim. You're alive Tim! You feel better. You're with God.

Tim's mom, Do you miss Tim?

With Thanksgiving being a few days away, the holiday season is quickly approaching. While this is a time of year that one's heart should be filled with joy - I must say that I think we are all still heart broken. I can't believe it's almost been a year since you're surgery... time goes by so quickly. I remember visiting you in the hospital after, when you were able to have visitors. I walked through the door and I saw that bright smile of yours and you said "Renee, I need to tell you something." I had no clue what you were going to tell me.. I was somewhat nervous. Then you chuckled and said "I've been cheating on you with my hot nurse!"-- Typical Tim! As the holidays approach, I want you to know that you are in my thoughts. I feel so lucky to have known you and to have had you be a part of my life. You and your family have made a profound difference in my life. I am so thankful for many things. I'm thankful for your smile, for hearing your laugh, for the Christmas and New Years parties we all had together, for the heart to heart talks, for the endless Dave chats, for all our Dave concerts, for the "beer pong" lessons, for being hugged by you, for lazy track meets, nip-dar twisters, for summer drives, and I'm especially thankful for your legacy, memories, and you-- heaven's best angel.

I have missed you every minute since you've been gone. You are always in my thoughts. I wish that you could be here with all of us during the holiday season, but I know you are with us in spirit- watching over us, laughing with us, drinking with us ;-) and enjoying being with friends and family with us. Love you always Timmy.

I was driving around North Andover today, and I remember something from one of the times we hung out!

It was after a football game and we were going to Harrison's, and I was following you and you stopped and I wasn't paying attention and I rear ended you!!! It did nothing to your car, I had a dent in mine. I was so nervous that night that you were so mad at me.

When I thought of that it made me laugh so much!!

I miss you!

I can't believe its been three months. I haven't had the courage before now to write anything, but as the days pass by more and more memories fill my head. I was lucky enough to become good friends with you sophomore year of high school- you were the third wheel on all our dates haha. Whenever I was upset about something, we'd drive to Harrison's after work in your big blue truck and you'd make me tell you what was bothering me. You could always make me laugh so hard at work or at school. You used to torment me all the time, and you loved every minute of it! You were always picking me up and tickling me - and you used to push me up against the wall by the register and hide me behind you and ask everyone "where's raychel". The last time I saw you out of the hospital, in June after I came back from France I couldn't get over how much weight you'd lost - but you still picked me up and hid me behind you. And obviously you and Jackie pelted me with ice and threw some down my shirt haha but it was better than all those times you and Jeff used to spray me with the hose. I had the best time freshman year going to visit you and UMASS and watching Dude Where's my Car? Everytime I see it, or Dumb & Dumber or Road Trip I think of you and how you used to quote it all the time. In fact, everytime I think of Road Trip I remember when you used to sing that ridiculous song Tom Green sings about all the animals at Treadwells and scare the hell out of people haha it was fabulous. We always planned on you coming down to DC to visit me, I wish we had been able to make it happen. You could always, always make me laugh, no matter how upset I was. I miss you so much more as each day goes by. I think of when we were younger and you told me we were going to get married and have 25 kids - when I told you 25 was too many, you settled on 24 1/2, and it's been our joke for all these years. We used to have so much fun, driving up to York Beach & visiting Mike, watching stupid movies, acting like idiots at the well. You gave the BEST bear hugs!! And your laugh was so ridiculous, I can still hear it in my head along with you saying "no!" and "absolutely not." I loved our Godfather dates, where we'd sit on your couch for hours watching Godfather. And late nights after work at Harrisons, the loft, dunkins, the 9's. Sophomore year when I used to eat lunch with you boys and we'd hang out in the hallway afterwards or sneak upstairs and sit in one of the classrooms and just laugh and talk. And that night Bullis ran over the stop sign by the youth center! I remember senior year when 9/11 happened we went to Kyle's house to watch the news and we all just sat in stunned silence. We all took comfort in each other just being there together. And all those sunday nights after working all day you'd take me to nana's for dinner with your whole family before we went to pep rally practice. We just have so many good memories! Every day I remember something new and I just want to call you and say - hey, remember this?- and then I remember I can't. You're in my dreams so often, it's easy to wake up and think you're still here.

When you first got diagnosed, I was in DC for the weekend and I kept calling you and asking you what your news was, but you wouldn't tell me. When I finally got home, I called you again and when you said it was cancer I was so shocked, I was numb. You said you didn't want to tell me while I was in DC because you didn't want to ruin my weekend. That's what kind of an amazing friend and person you were. The biggest news of your life, and you didn't want to ruin my weekend! I'm glad I got to visit you in the hospital a few days after Rockin for Roberts/Tourney for Tim. I was so scared to go alone, but Trevor & Rebecca were there with your parents. We just sat and talked, and although you kept drifting in and out you still managed to roll your eyes and make a face at me. When I got up to leave you held my hand and mouthed 'thank you'. If I had known that was the last time I was going to see you, I would have said so many things! I would have told you how much I love you and how blessed I've been to have you as a friend. I would have thanked you for always being there for me, no matter what I needed. I am so grateful to have known you, to have had you be a part of my life. You were so strong, you never asked "why me?" you have been such an inspiration to all of us. I miss you and I love you, and I hope you're having fun in heaven, fishing and drinking with Katie. Take good care of each other.

There will always be a place for you in my heart, I know everyone tells you that but its true, you can never let someone know too many times how much you love and care about them even if they are in heaven. So now I would like to tell you, I know no matter where I go or how much time passes I won't ever forget you!! No in a million years!!. I have learned so much from you, and I have thanked you before, in my thoughts and in my prayers and at night but feel that its not enough. I have learned to love everything about life even the sucky things. I drive to school in my car in the morning and I listen to the radio or my CDs and there are so many times when I listen to songs and think of you especially when Dave Matthews is my choice of the day. I used look at your pictures and think "why you?!" now I know you are in God's plans, for some reason he wanted you to be a part of his plans that he has for every one, he wanted you to be apart of his angels, and I have no doubt in my mind that when its everyone's time to pass on that we will see you and be with you again. I know that wherever you are you are happy. I know You would let us know if you weren't .I know that the sun that Shines on me in the 30 degree temps when I visit you at Ridgewood it is your way of saying "It's okay, I'm doing okay, don't be sad, IM GOOD KID!.. DUUDE IM GOOD!" haha well so much has changed since you have been away, Keith and Nichole are going to have their baby soon!! Haleigh Elizabeth Driscoll and.. some of us are graduating college!! I will be graduating NECCO in May THANK GOD!! I know you could always sympathize with me. Well over all its not the same without you. Everyone misses you sooo much, your Family and all of your friends, and You know this so I don't know why I am telling you, you already know that. Talktoyouinmyprayers.

It’s been several months now and there is no doubt you have all struggled through your lives, not only for these months but throughout Tim’s struggle through his cancer. With the holidays quickly approaching and many of you coming home for the semester break, his absence will be more apparent. Many of you will visit Tim’s resting area and talk w/him. You will also have many moments when you will laugh at something and think of Tim. The most important thing I will think of during this holiday season with Tim is how important all of you have been in Tim and Amy’s lives and how important all of you continue to be, most especially in your writings. The memories I read on his page make me sad but many times they make me laugh with the funny memories you have and you share with all of us. I can’t even begin to tell you the gift all of you are giving our family by sharing your good memories w/us of Tim as your friend. It is apparent that everyone’s relationship w/Tim was different but the gifts we all have during this holiday season are great memories of Tim and we have the spirit of Tim with us each and every day. We also have the comfort of knowing that you keep Tim memories alive each and every day and you take such good care of Amy as well as Tim and Pat during these most difficult days. During this holiday season I don’t think my family will mind me speaking on all of their behalf in wishing all of you the happiest of holidays. We all know that Tim would not want us sitting around mourning his absence on Christmas so let’s celebrate his fight to live on this very special day. Let’s celebrate his love of life, even when the days were getting more difficult. Let’s celebrate his reunion with his special Godmother, Bunsy, his Papa Roberts, his friend Katie and everyone else he is reunited with and joining with to watch over all of us left behind. Could we ever have received more of a special gift on Christmas morning to know that we have such a very special angel watching over all of us but most especially watching over his special sister Amy and his mom and dad! Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to all of Tim’s very special friends and thank you all for being our family’s gifts during this healing time.

I'll think about you and your fight

right after I say my prayers

I'll cry aloud for you to hear

I wish you were here more than words could say

but I know you will have the most perfect Christmas day

your up in heaven where you belong

I'll spend my Christmas down here being strong

Wherever the ocean meets the big blue sky

I'll think about you with your fishing rod and fly

When I look up at that sky so blue

All I see are visions of you

Our hearts are broken, as you know,

We really can't bear to let you go

We wish so much that you were here,

Or just down at the 9's havin' a beer

It's happy thoughts that will get us through,

Like all the fun we shared with you

So to my big brother on Christmas day

there isn't much more to say

I miss you Tim, more than you know. The last time I saw you I was home on break. We were optimistic about your future and hanging out with you and Jeff reminded us all of high school and made it feel like nothing had changed. I never made it to the hospital and for that I will never forgive myself. I was so scared of seeing you laying in your hospital bed. I just wanted to pretend that everything was going to be. That last time we hung out I told you that I loved you and that I was sorry for not being around enough. You told me that you knew I loved you and that you understood. I think about you all the time, mostly it happens when I'm reminded of something we joked about. I miss those times Tim, and I miss you. I'll be carrying all those memories of you with me for the rest of my life.

I was just thinking that at this time last year we were watching Super Troopers and laughing hysterically. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you and I still laugh about the purple juice everytime I hear your name. Miss you, Love

I can't believe it's almost six months. I feel like everyday I think of a new memory and realize how I miss you more with each day. Every time I go visit you and my dad, sometimes I can't help but just stand there in disbelief. I remember when my dad first passed away all I could think of was that I was going to forget him as the years passed. Obviously I'd never completely forget, but I worried I'd forget the little things. As I get older, I realize you really can't forget the people who made you who you are today. You really don't forget anything. I try not to dwell too much on what could have been...I always think about how I never got to have a legal drink with you! All the nights Kacie and I go out, I know we'd both give anything to have you there with us, but sometimes I look across the bar and see you smiling at us. One of these days I'm going to be brave enough to try a Bass Ale, just for you.

Miss you and love you,

I felt like you were with us last night. You are the only person I know who could bring a crowd like that. There was so much love and support. We raised over $9000 to help find a cure. I feel you smiling down on us all. I love you Timmy.

*Thanks to everyone who made it out last night. Your contributions helped us raise more than $9000, bringing my total to more than $11000 towards finding a cure. Your support is, as always, truly appreciated. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

But last as long as love,

A maelstrom of memories

That grace and honor move.

And so we celebrate your day

By visiting your grave,

A place that you have left long since,

But is all that we have.

Dear spirit, come and join us here,

Your loved ones by your stone!

Come sweep across the barrier

To claim us as your own!

Happy birthday, dearest one!

Oh, happy, happy day!

Not even the most bitter night

Can take this joy away!

just round the corner.

Time when the afternoon breezes fade and the water turns to glass.

I hope you fish into the evening after dinner and then marvel at the fireworks in heaven. I bet they're special.

We all miss you so much Timber get to the cookout with Bunny and Papa and Billy

What point could there be troubling

Head down wondering what will become of me

Why concern we cannot see

But no reason to abandon it

Time is short but that's all right

Maybe I'll go in the middle of the night

Take your hands from your eyes, My Love

Everything must end some time

Don't burn the day away <3

I love and miss you.

I hope you can hear me every night when I talk to you. Now that I'm home, driving around town there are so many spots that make me think of you each day. You haven't knocked over any picture frames lately. I'll be waiting for it. Until we meet again,(wife number 16779,)